Here we are: the one year anniversary of my blog! Given the large gaps between most posts, it’s clear I still have some issues with consistency. Though, again, this is far more for me than it is for anyone else. Still, I hope you have enjoyed reading about my life as I choose to tell it here.
I am currently on spring break from school… In December, completely on an impulse (authors note: by impulse, I mean targeted ads), I booked a trip to New York City. Last year, I was able to go to Memphis with some friends during spring break (see an earlier post for details on that trip), and I have always wanted to go to New York— particularly Broadway. Musicals inspire me, and much to my credit card statement’s distress, I go as often as I can. In every show I have seen, both in Chicago and elsewhere, I am captivated by the talent of the many people it takes to stage a musical. Performing arts, particularly in the realm of music, are the most engaging art form to me. The creativity, the passion, the dedication, and every aspect of these shows are what I want to see in myself.
I went alone. This was partially because it was an impulse purchase… Now, I love traveling with friends, but the group chats, debates, cost sharing, and need for consensus exhausts me sometimes.
I do a lot of things alone… I’ve been to many musical theater productions downtown alone. I go see movies alone. I go to concerts alone. I live alone (which was incredibly difficult for me at first, but that’s a post for another day if I ever get around to it). A side note, I am fully aware that I am able to do these things largely due to male and straight-passing privilege, and I completely understand why many others may not feel comfortable doing these same things alone.
Going alone was an interesting choice because to put it frankly: I am depressed. Why the hell would I choose to be alone with my own thoughts for an extended period of time?
Now let me walk that statement back a bit, I have had a long journey with my own mental health with its significant ups and downs. Thankfully, I am blessed to have a great support system and adaptive skills that have allowed me to get through life largely unscathed and never to the point where my functioning has been continuously, severely inhibited. Yet still, I struggle sometimes. I don’t want to make it sound like it is extremely severe nor nothing at all.
Still, all in all, going to these things alone can be incredibly difficult, yet it has also been really helpful in other ways. For one thing, going to these types of things alone is a completely different experience. I love going to see shows/concerts with friends, but when I invite someone else there is always a small part of me that wonders if they’re enjoying it and is focused on the experience of the other person(s) as well. Going alone is incredibly immersive. It is just the art and me. I am alone, but I am also alone in my own space with my own thoughts, feelings, and reactions to the art before me. This can be liberating, because sometimes I just need to sit with something for a little bit to process and let it speak to me. I don’t think going alone or with people is better or worse than the other, but they are just two different experiences each great in moderation.
New York City is like Chicago but worse. That’s my hot take of the trip. As a city, it’s just more cramped, uglier, and not as great. Now, I still enjoyed it, and there is absolutely more of everything there, but my heart still loves Chicago… I’ve always been drawn to cities. I would much rather be lost in the hustle of city people than be on a beach somewhere… NYC was more blatantly consumerist and tourist driven than any other city I have been to, which largely did not appeal to me. Caveat, I spent almost my entire time in Manhattan around Times Square. If I really wanted to experience the culture of New York, I would have had to venture out of that area, and maybe I will in the future, but I wasn’t there for that reason. I was there for Broadway.
Broadway was incredible. 41 theaters all packed close together showcasing the top talent our country has to offer is an incredible sight to behold. I stayed in a hotel next to a theater that George Clooney was performing in. Down the road, Nick Jonas, Denzel Washington, Jake Gyllenhaal, and many other star names were also performing. It felt real. It felt alive.
In between shows, I was able to visit the Museum of Modern Art and the Museum of Broadway. I really only had a short time in each of them, but it was nice to be able to go through at my own pace and focus only on what I really wanted to see. Being more drawn to the musical/performing arts, I’ve never really gone out of my way to see an art museum, but I had to challenge myself to engage with these works in ways I wouldn’t normally. That being said, as far as paintings go, The Starry Night is probably my favorite, and seeing the real thing in person was an experience I could not pass up.
Now onto the real reason I was there…
John Proctor is the Villain- starring Sadie Sink. Written by Kimberly Bellflower. Directed by Danya Taymor.
A recent play new to Broadway, still in its previews… This was actually the catalyst to booking my entire trip. While my usual theater go-to are musicals, this is the play for which I was seeing targeted ads that got me thinking I should go to Broadway now as opposed to “some day”.
While most people know Sadie Sink exclusively from Stranger Things, her performance in The Whale is one of the most compelling performances I have ever seen. I will one day sit down and write down my thoughts about The Whale, but that is one of my all time favorite movies and perhaps one of the works of art that I think about the most on an almost daily basis. I have a printed copy of the essay that Sadie’s character wrote in the story framed in my office right in front of where I look when sitting at my desk. Nobody has ever asked me about it, but I reflect on it often. In short, The Whale sums up many of my own feelings and experiences in regards to evangelicalism and religious trauma in general. It is a beautiful story with resounding implications, and it certainly guaranteed that I would watch anything else with the same actors, writers, or directors.
Her performance in that film is what made me click on the targeted ad for these tickets, and, upon seeing that the prices were actually not that bad, I got a little carried away and booked the whole trip.
I regret absolutely nothing, because John Proctor is the Villain was another one of the most beautiful and compelling works of art I have ever witnessed.
It is a coming-of-age story that examines the highly relevant topics and themes of the Me Too movement, child sex abuse, feminism, power, yearning for a better world, and the capacity to believe that a better world and brighter future is possible.
In the context of all that is going on in our world, it was equal parts devastating as it was awe-inspiring. I desperately need to believe that change is possible and a brighter future is attainable, and works like this help me keep that flame alive.
In the context of my career, this hit close to home. Now, having worked professionally with victims of child sex abuse, I can confidently say that the way I view everything has changed. This play examines the complicated dynamics that victims often experience in an empathetic and humanizing way that should move us to support victims not in “getting over” or past what happened but instead to find their voice, their power, and their future. While the characters and this story is fictional, I see the faces of my students within them.
Sadie Sink’s presence and performance was extraordinary, rivaling her showing in The Whale and cementing her as one of my all-time favorite actors.
The climax had me holding my breath, and while it will make absolutely no sense out of context, two students are dancing to Lorde’s Green Light as a part of a class presentation and also as an act of defiance towards the abuser, the status quo, and the expectations of society itself. The stage directions write about one character— who, like many of us, is a depiction of one who has not entirely accepted that things are not as they should be— just before the play ends and cuts to black it writes:
then, when the song starts to go into that slower moment at the end:
Beth stands up
she looks a little surprised at herself
the other girls see her
we see them see her
she takes a step toward them
is she going to dance too?
she might
she just might
I think the play asks the audience if they will join as well— join in the belief that one day society’s evil can be behind us and in a unified commitment to seek this future together. As one character puts it, “those feelings will be far away from us by then. At first, we won’t remember their names and that will plague us. Then the faces of those feelings will become blurry and we’ll feel the stirrings of peace and then we won’t remember those feelings at all. We wouldn’t even recognize them if they passed us on the street. We’ll sleep soundly then. We’ll use our fire only for warmth.”
Theatre is a mirror, a sharp reflection of society.
Yasmina Reza
Death Becomes Her
A really good show, funny and engaging with great performances (including Michelle Williams, which was awesome).
This show has great material, but is not quite up there with my favorites, so I won’t write much about it. It reminded me a little bit of The Substance, but less gross.
Hamilton
Perhaps the most famous and influential musical of my time, so far. I felt like I needed to go see one of the “big ones” to really tie the trip together. I had already seen it twice in Chicago, so the material wasn’t new but the experience of seeing it here in the Richard Rodgers Theatre on Broadway was incredible.
While there is certainly merit to the common critiques of the show and how it does glaze over many of the historical characters’ serious and glaring flaws (such as being slave owners), I don’t really support the idea that art must be perfect in its depictions or have morally perfect protagonists in order to be compelling.
It’s a story of a character who fights to create a new world through relentless tenacity and a commitment to change that should inspire each and every one of us to, as George Washington’s character puts it, “pick up a pen, start writing.”
I could write for ages about the things I thought, felt, and experienced while in NYC, but overall I am humbled to have witnessed these works of art in an iconic place such as this.
As I’ve written about before, I have really struggled with knowing what I should be doing with my time and talents. I love seeing these shows, but it also leaves me with an unshakeable desire to be a part of creating art that creates meaningful change in our world. Some might call this inspiration. Maybe I do need to get back into this world and shed my persistent self doubt.
I wish it was that easy… Cue a chance meeting:
Pictured here is Ian. He grew up in the same church that I did, and, while he was older than me and we were never really peers, I have known him for a long time. He spent a long time post college working in ministry for various churches but recently dropped all of that to pursue performing full time. He is currently in an off-Broadway production of Frozen with imminent plans to permanently relocate to New York City.
I happened to run into him in Times Square which was a real small world moment. It was nice to catch up and hear from the perspective of someone coming from a similar background that is, in some ways, right where I want to be.
Maybe it was a weird coincidence, maybe it was a sign. I’m not sure what to make of it. Is the future I want in the creative and performing arts? Or is it in what I am doing now? My heart says both, but I am still looking for the map.
[title pending] 