Before anything else, I should probably come to terms with the fact that I have no idea how to use WordPress or how I ended up here… I’m pretty sure this is a “first post” or maybe this is what will end up in the “About” section if I could figure out how to access that.
Anyways… I’m Silas. I am plenty of things, “bad at talking about myself,” being one of them right alongside, “overdoes self deprecating humor,” just below, “appreciates irony.” At the moment, I’m 25 years old and live in the Southwest Suburbs of Chicago. Professionally, I am a social worker, therapist, and a camp director. That is a lot of things, and I hope to explain through this blog how that all works for me.
I like to say that I moonlight as a professional musician. My undergraduate degree was in Music Performance. I have played the trumpet for 14 years now and drum set for 12. Despite music being the obvious choice for a creative outlet for me, I have found myself in search of a creative outlet that works for me in ways music has not been.
I have always had a complicated relationship with certain aspects of music especially as it relates to me actually expressing myself: my thoughts, my cares, my worries—myself! If my friend Brendan ends up reading this, I’m sure he’ll be rolling his eyes now as he, perhaps more than anyone else, seems to truly believe in my own musical talents being a unique contribution to the world and the industry (which I do appreciate, and love him for it— thank you, Brendan!).
While this could be a book by itself, my specialty with music has always been performing and not creating. Is this reductive and perhaps untrue? Yes, but we’ll get into that later. I was trained to receive a piece of sheet music and then replicate exactly what the composer wanted in performance or to play exactly as a director or conductor wanted. While I do recognize this takes skill and perhaps creativity, I do not at the moment feel as if it left much room for me in the process. Music as a form of self expression is best seen in improvisation and in the creation of one’s own music— which is unfortunately not within my skill set. Truth is, I deeply desire for it to be within that skillset, but at present that skill leaves much to be desired within me. This leaves me, Silas, here again without a creative outlet.
Do I need a creative outlet? I am sure most would say yes, and the social worker in me agrees. Back to searching…
On a seemingly unrelated note that I swear connects, I love Twitter. It’s my favorite form of social media. I’ve always admired the people who are able to do either of these two common styles of tweets:
- Thoughtful, relevant, or funny comments on current events, the state of our world, or other happenings.
- Shitpost.
Being stuck with thoughts and feelings I’ve wanted to express, I have long thought, “should I become a twitter world events commentator?” or worse, “should I become a shitposter?” And I ask you, the reader, is social media a good form of self expression?
I would say social media can be a good form of self expression… Just not for me. I do have social media accounts but often forget to post, and, even then, typically only for major events. I am perhaps too conscious of the forward facing nature of that, and I am certainly afraid of becoming one who overshares on their social media pages for all to see.
While perhaps I’ll learn to dance, sing, draw, or finally improvise… In the meantime, I still found myself searching for the ever elusive creative outlet.
I’m not sure where this thought originally came from, but somewhere along the way I thought to myself, “Self! What better way to express yourself than by reviving a dying early 2000s trend that nobody cares about?” Like a true zillenial1, I thought this might be the perfect intersection of nostalgia from when I grew up, the irony of using a dying mode of self expression, and perhaps an attempt at a creative outlet.
I’ve written in journals sporadically my entire life, but have always fallen out of the habit and struggled to make time to do so. While I wish I had a better habit of that, I believe that part of creativity must be shared with others. So, the journals have not satisfied my desire for a creative outlet that works for me. This got me thinking that perhaps a blog where I only tell a few people of its existence may be a good intersection of expression, privacy, and creativity.
Why did this idea grow on me? Perhaps it’s because one of the girls I dated years ago told me I had, “a way with words.” Perhaps it’s because my coworker says I’m a strong writer. Perhaps it’s because I occasionally dream of writing a book or memoir. Perhaps it’s for no good reason at all. Forgetting the why, here I am.
So, here’s to hoping! Here’s to the search for creativity, expression, and life beyond the present! Who knows how long I’ll keep it up, but I believe the attempt is worthwhile… Whatever reason compels you, the reader, to be here, I hope it is a good one. I hope you enjoy sticking around for this journey!
- Depending on who you ask, I’m either a very young millennial or a very old generation z member. I’d like to think I fit the best of both worlds, so I typically use the term “zillenial”. ↩︎
[title pending] 